It's been months, seems like this soft heart of mine just doesn't want to let you go huh?

I'm tired of pulling it away from you, cause every time I pull it away, it quietly sneaks back to find you.

I miss hugs.

Those that warm the heart.

I'm out of touch, I'm out of love.

I'll pick you up when you're getting down.

And out of all these things I've done,

I think I love you better now.

try smiling with a broken heart.

These fake smiles...

When can I ever smile truthfully?

I dream of you sometimes.

Dreaming of the memories we had.

I hate you for loving me so much, it made me love you so much too you know? :'(

Losing you left a big gap in my heart and even though it has healed, the scars are still there.

I really hate this feeling of a heavy heart. ):

If only someone could come and heal it...

You always asked me in the past why I would send you home no matter how late the time is, it's because seeing you makes me smile and recharges me spiritually and puts a smile to my heart.

I remembered how warm it felt to call you to wake you up and hear your morning voice while I'm on the bus to school.

The long hours we stayed up on the webcams to see each other's dull faces.

Memories that I wish I could relive again.

Gummy bear?

Slippin' away.

I miss talking my mind out to you, now everything is so kept up in my mind I don't know who I can tell to..

what's the one thing I would do if I could turn time back?

loved you less, yes, less.

because it showed me that loving you too much fell into my demise.

I guess I'm just soft hearted by nature.

I miss hugging you, my pillow is my substitute for you but it's never enough cause you feel so much warmer and softer with a beating heart and a scent that brings me into slumber sleep almost in an instant everytime.

I'm tired and all drained out.

I need that adrenaline of motivation and support from that someone I once had.

She.

It's so hard to forget you, so bloody hard.

I guess the only way for me now is to just accept it, accept these memories.

Bear the pains and happiness.

Live with it, be one with it.

This is not good, I need a hug now.

I kinda miss hearing morning voices of you.

One of a kind.

How? Tell me, just how?

Today while I was on my way to filming, I thought of the birthday gift that I gave you.

You remember?

The little moving pig? (:

I remembered how I ran from Jack's Place all the way over to AMK Hub to get it for you and even though I had to run for it, I guess it was all worth it seeing you happy.

Haiyo, sometimes I really still think of it.

Thinking of me not capable of being religiously strong for you.

Saddens me everytime I think of it or hear people talk about religion.

The way you phrased it to me still echoes in my head.

It made me felt so useless for that moment in time.

I still don't know why you said that if I changed for you, it wouldn't be the same.

We should have taken things slowly and not judge our future so quickly.

And no, you didn't force me into accepting christianity, I did.

I wanted to change for you and also for the better of me.

Can't understand why you'd rather break a heart than to slowly work things out.

It's true, the period where you freaked me out, it was my fault. I kept pestering and pressuring you.

But now, things have turned so stale.

Was loving you a mistake?

I loved you so much...

Tell me now, was it my fault in loving you with my whole heart?

OH! and this was the song that I remember hinting to you how I liked you hahaha so funny when I listen to this now. (:

Walking back home, I still felt hints of missing you, bits and pieces of them. I wasn't as painfully as before but I could still feel it.

Can't religion and love work together hand in hand??

Hmm, if I ever get a new gf, it will be a christian because I believe they are faithful to whom they love. But it's going to be different this time of course, I won't be my old self anymore. I think I'll keep that old self for you. Different people will get different approaches from me and yours was truly special, one that showed you my heart.

I'll slowly start believing in God but also keeping an open mind, just like my parents.

I wish I could find someone like my mother's personality.

Caring, open-minded and also very down to earth. She's lame sometimes too but it's okay cause I think I got her lameness too! hahaha

She's a methodist but she was actually opened to different religions cause of my grandfather and great grandfather. The period she was in was a time when multiple religions came mixing up into her society.

Well like I said,

Love is patient, Love is kind.

We'll see how things go. (:

As for now, I guess letting you go is the right choice? I don't want to be a burden to you anymore...

I still look back at the photos that are in my laptop once in awhile and laugh and cry to them cause they were such happy and meaningful memories for me.

The memory of holding you in my hand and telling you, "everything's going to be alright because I'm here."

The memory of expressing how much I loved you and you teared after I said those words on the webcam.

The memory of hugging you close and kissing your forehead to give you reassurance that my love for you was genuine and pure.

(':